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Amphikalein
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Posts: 3177
Location: Corrales, NM
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 Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:28 am Post subject: |
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 That was awesome!
_________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~Martin Luther King Jr.
"May we, in our dealings with all the peoples of the earth, ever speak the truth and serve justice." ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:08 am Post subject: |
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ROFL! That was great, Bus!
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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A friend of mine sent me this today...It's long, but pretty funny and oh so true!!
| Quote: | No room to rest...
When you have to visit a public restroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet."Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in tooAt this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ..................
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
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_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| OndinitaAKALibchit wrote: | A friend of mine sent me this today...It's long, but pretty funny and oh so true!!
| Quote: | No room to rest...
When you have to visit a public restroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet."Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in tooAt this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ..................
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
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Makes me glad I am a male |
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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Makes me wish I was a man!! 
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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[quoteHER FIRST PAY CHECK
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those a$$hole$ at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."
Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye. |
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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Amphikalein
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Posts: 3177
Location: Corrales, NM
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| busdriver wrote: | HER FIRST PAY CHECK
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will if those a$$hole$ at Home Depot ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."
Stories like this just bring a tear to your eye. |
Hilarious!!!!
_________________
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." ~Martin Luther King Jr.
"May we, in our dealings with all the peoples of the earth, ever speak the truth and serve justice." ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
Amphy's blog | Proud Member NDA |
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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I thought of Brant when I saw this:
http://store.theonion.com/che-wearing-che-t-shirt-t-shirt-p-172.html
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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Brant
Admin
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 5277
Location: Hopewell Township
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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Love it. Wish they had it in a different color.
_________________
The priests of the different religious sects dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight.
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OndinitaAKALibchit
Journeyman
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 3883
Location: Where the sun don't shine! ;-)
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Brant wrote: | | Love it. Wish they had it in a different color. |
I like a lot of the t-shirts they sell at theonion.com. They're hilarious! But the color choices are not that great. 
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960
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ellipses
Mod
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 9218
Location: WashPa!
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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I have a closet full of orange polos 
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The end is nigh! OR forums die APRIL 1. Don't lose contact! Join the forums at bogsource.com now! |
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="
When Love Fades
Cylinsier was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he
heard his wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, Love?
Chicken, beef or lamb?"
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
"You're having soup. I was talking to the cat." |
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Cylinsier
Master
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 13229
Location: Oh shi-
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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Its frightening how factually accurate that story was.
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The end is nigh! OR forums die APRIL 1. Don't lose contact! Join the forums at bogsource.com now! |
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Cylinsier wrote: | | Its frightening how factually accurate that story was. |
Made me think of you and your cat |
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