Observer-Reporter forum

OndinitaAKALibchit · Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 1:17 am Post subject: Mormon Teachings

There's a group on Facebook called "Mormon Teachings". This is and example of one of the teachings:

"Mormon Teachings: If You're Still Masturbating, You May Not Be Grasping Your Book of Mormon Firmly Enough"
Laughing

From what I've read, this group is intentionally funny!

http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=mormon+teachings&init=quick#!/pages/Salt-Lake-City-UT/Mormon-Teachings/278215106391?ref=search&sid=823625213.1200700352..1
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960

Proud Member NDA

OndinitaAKALibchit · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 1:32 am Post subject:

More gems from "Mormon Teachings"...

Jesus & the Constitution (Why should the Founding Fathers get all the credit?)

And my fave...Jesus & his hot wives...

"...it will be seen that the GREAT MESSIAH who was the founder of the Christian religion, WAS A POLYGAMIST, . . .the MESSIAH chose. . .by marrying honorable wives himself, show to all future generations that HE approbated the plurality of wives under the Christian dispensation, as well as under the dispensation in which His polygamist ancestors lived. . . .We have now clearly shown that God the Father had a plurality of wives. . ." - Orson Pratt, Apostle (The Seer, page 172)
_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960

Proud Member NDA

Brant · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 7:08 am Post subject:

That top picture is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Looks like something the teabaggers would put out.
_________________

The priests of the different religious sects dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight.

- Thomas Jefferson

busdriver · Journeyman Joined: 16 Mar 2009 Posts: 3497

[quote="OndinitaAKALibchit"]There's a group on Facebook called "Mormon Teachings". This is and example of one of the teachings:

"Mormon Teachings: If You're Still Masturbating, You May Not Be Grasping Your Book of Mormon Firmly Enough"
Laughing

If so, grasping the book isn't your problem. Not looking like that "hunk" Jesus below is more likely the problem.

Anyone one watch"Big LOVE" on HBO? Poor Bill has to resort to Viagra to keep his herd satisfied and now they are trying to swap nights with each other to get "extra" time with Bill.

Would that be a problem with any of the guys on here(other then phony) to convert and move to Utah?

freethinker · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:42 am Post subject:

Nope, I'm holding out for 26 virgins and a bottle of wine--for eternity..

Wait...After a couple weeks (I'm slow ) ...they all wouldn't be virgins anymore, would they...?

This immortality stuff is over-rated
_________________
where-ever you get it - there you have it. - Anon.

dick · Journeyman Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 3134

Those are the coolest paintings I've ever seen. I want those hung in my living room.

And free, I've never seen the appeal in the virgins either. After a couple weeks not only are they not virgins anymore, but they're certifiably insane for you. Imagine the claws that come out with 26 of them. Aw, hell no!
_________________

Proud Member NDA

Its okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings.

Puff. Puff. Give.

freethinker · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:38 am Post subject:

Actually, dick, it's supposed to be 27 virgins...I traded the fat one in for a bottle of Zinfandel
_________________
where-ever you get it - there you have it. - Anon.

Cylinsier · Master Joined: 29 Sep 2008 Posts: 13229 Location: Oh shi-

27 Virgins...

Sounds more like a lan party than nirvana.
_________________
The end is nigh! OR forums die APRIL 1. Don't lose contact! Join the forums at bogsource.com now!

freethinker · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:07 am Post subject:

And to further explain my ambiguous analogy....The line was a take-off from an '80's song by Jim Carroll that talked about suicide by "26 Reds, and a bottle of wine"...Title of the song..? "People Who Died"

The i Tunes version is better than the You tube....But when you combine the concepts of suicide bombers and virgins in paradise...
it all becomes clear
_________________
where-ever you get it - there you have it. - Anon.

OndinitaAKALibchit · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 12:38 pm Post subject:

OndinitaAKALibchit · Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:13 pm Post subject:

Mormom Teachings...The gift that keeps on giving...

Jesus checking in on the United Nations...Is he knocking on the window? Confused

Jesus arm-wrestling Lucifer...Ck out the guns on Lucy! But why does Jesus have a fake bear?

Is this Jesus or Snow White? I know...Maybe it's a remake of Bambi, with Jesus as a guest star!

_________________
"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties ... if that is what they mean by a 'Liberal,' then I’m proud to say I’m a 'Liberal.'" ~ Senator John F. Kennedy 9/14/1960

Proud Member NDA

freethinker · Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:10 pm Post subject:

Hey Ondi -- the arm-wrestling Jesus...? I think it's that Batman guy....what's his name..Beat up his mother or sister in England
_________________
where-ever you get it - there you have it. - Anon.

OndinitaAKALibchit · Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:12 pm Post subject:

freethinker · Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 10:30 pm Post subject:

Too bad they couldn't have used Stallone as a model...(Probably too over the top...)
_________________
where-ever you get it - there you have it. - Anon.

dick · Journeyman Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 3134

I bet that they had to get out "the strap" for the Jesus vs. Lucifer arm wrestling bout. And quit making fun of Jesus just because he went a little metro on us. I wonder what else he got trimmed up. Wink

_________________

Proud Member NDA

Its okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings.

Puff. Puff. Give.