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amom
Mod
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 2753
Location: You can't get here from there
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 Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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| zoner wrote: | I have a new topic I do it to now. Religion. Faster than the politics crap.
And I have been in and out of politics for over 35 years. |
AMEN.
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-amom
"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
- Will Rogers |
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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| ellipses wrote: | | I didn't know you could do that |
E, I can't find that exercise thread we had a few days ago for some reason, but I love this Doctor
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain....Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa bean s! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to **** in sideways - Beer in one hand - Bratwurst in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4.. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you. |
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ellipses
Mod
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 9218
Location: WashPa!
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| Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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Love it... I'm done with Engrish
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busdriver
Journeyman
Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 3497
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| Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:17 pm Post subject: |
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| ellipses wrote: | | Love it... I'm done with Engrish |
your funny  |
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ellipses
Mod
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 9218
Location: WashPa!
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| Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks... I mean, danke!
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Brant
Admin
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 5277
Location: Hopewell Township
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| Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:31 am Post subject: |
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Driver, that's the kind of medical advice I'm happy to receive.  Sounds as if I've been living my life the right way all along.
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The priests of the different religious sects dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight.
- Thomas Jefferson |
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zoner
Amature
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 244
Location: celestial zone
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| Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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Now I have to mark all topics read on the mark all topics read thread..Damn. 
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zoner |
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Cylinsier
Master
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 13229
Location: Oh shi-
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| Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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Seems like at this point, you needn't even bother logging in anymore.
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zoner
Amature
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 244
Location: celestial zone
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| Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Sure I do. How else will I know what is going on in the world?
Just kidding. I read almost everything, when I can. I just like to stir the pot when I can too. I'm just a lowly public servant, not an intellectual like you guys.
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Cylinsier
Master
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 13229
Location: Oh shi-
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| Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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I dunno, you have to be pretty smart to know its better to just stay out of it. Me, I can't seem to help myself.
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zoner
Amature
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 244
Location: celestial zone
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| Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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Another great day!!! 
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zoner |
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zoner
Amature
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 244
Location: celestial zone
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| Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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ANOTHER great day here.. Actually 2.
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zoner |
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zoner
Amature
Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 244
Location: celestial zone
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| Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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And it just keeps getting easier.
You can make fun of me all you want, but I really do try to read all the posts, but damn it sure gets repetitive.. And MOST of them are someone elses words, not their own. I guess I wll take someones advise and quit reading them at all..
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zoner |
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